Resolve It!

Like death and taxes, conflict seems to be an inevitable part of life. Because we all see the world through our own "lenses", there is plenty of opportunity for misinterpretation, miscommunication, or just opposing opinions. I'd like to argue that conflict is wonderful. It affords us the opportunity to learn more about another person, a new idea, or a different paradigm. I hope you enjoy these tips for conflict resolution success!

1. There will always be conflict
You can not eliminate it, but you can be prepared for it. Can you think of an environment without conflict?

2. Focus on the objective
Ask yourself, “What is the objective?” When you know this, you can focus on the process, not the other way around. It is natural to go right to focusing on the process first, because we want the situation to change; but a good place to start is defining the desired outcome.

3. Focus on interests, not positions
Enlarge the scope of possibilities. You will need lots of options in order to effectively resolve conflict. In our culture (individualistic and competitive) we tend to focus on “I’m right, and you are wrong.” Ask each involved to get past that in order to start work on creating new possibilities.

4. Seek win-win, not win-lose
There should never be a “loser” in conflict. Both sides should leave feeling as though they have gained something.

5. Ask yourself: What opinions do you currently hold of each participant, their side of the story, your idea of who is “wrong” or “right”? This is the lens with which you are seeing the conflict. Become aware of this and see your opinion only for what it is – your opinion.

6. Embrace it!
It is healthy. When you resist it, it stays, grows and you're stuck with it. When you embrace it, it looses its power. Use the other person’s strengths (or their momentum) to your advantage (Martial Arts rule of thumb.)

7. Develop a process to get a desired outcome
Only do this after you have decided on the objective.

8. Always acknowledge the other
Seek first to understand. Doing so will make a “deposit” into the emotional bank account of the other party, which will increase your credibility with that person.

9. Ask yourself “What is it about my belief system that causes me to think and act the way I do?”
What lens does each party wear? What do they desire to have respected by the other? What are their expectations?

10. Approach with a positive attitude
Our attitude is the only thing we control. It is more important than status, degrees that you have, your position, or money.